Sunday, June 25, 2006

dating and blogging

Ms A, with whom I had a second (and long, and very nice) date yesterday, suggests that I make my first writing project after successful defense of the dissertation a book about blogging and dating and the pitfalls thereof, titled My Date Read My Blog: The Trials and Tribulations of (Lesbian) Dating in the 21st Century.

So, let's consider this issue: If the dating goal is less to locate a single, forever partner, but to develop honest, intimate friendships (and read "intimate" with all its connotations), then one must challenge all those scripts one has been steeped in since infancy, including (of course) the Prince Charming myth (passive female saved by happily-ever-after active male) as well as the Sex equals Love myth.

I know it will disappoint many of my straight female friends to hear this, but we dykes are just as suckered into that myth as everyone else. (I personally think it's part of the problem of the dreaded--though not ubiquitous--Lesbian Bed Death.) So, in that first flush of physical attraction and emotional infatuation, when it's not really necessary to communicate (i.e., ask for) what we want and need, we feel as though we're powerful sexual agents, navigating the brave new world of intimacy. In fact, once that high wears off, we're back where we started, unable sometimes to even articulate what we want, in large part because the Myth told us that we wouldn't have to--our Prince(ss) would just know.

So, radical honesty about our needs and desires--Snow White certainly didn't engage in that, did she now? Didn't someone in the 70s talk about this in terms of taking responsibility for our own orgasms? This means knowing thyself, and being brave enough to talk about what one knows. Brave enough to say it OUT LOUD.

But not necessarily post it in my blog.


Dr. Write said...

Wait, sex doesn't equal love?
(and yes, you should write that book!)

Candace said...

What....Snow White wasn't a real person??? Next you are going to tell me Sitcoms are fiction, too.
Is it Ercia Jong you thinking of..she wrote "Fear of Flying" I think. Seems to me she coined the phrase "the zipperless fuck", or something close. Not that I can tell you what that means.