Just Looking

That's what Isaac Mizrahi says when he's fitting a garment on a woman--tweaking it here and there, repeating, "Just looking, just looking." I love that. It's how I feel when I'm conferencing with a student about an essay, or trying out something in my own writing, or speculating aloud on some weird topic. Or moving the furniture.

Just looking. No commitments, no risks.

It's like the first little scratch in the leather of those fab new shoes.And this week was the last "just looking" in terms of my syllabus. I'm now committed. And now that two-thirds have been photocopied (oh, you didn't think I'd be *totally* prepped for Day One, did you?), I have spotted my first error. It's just the location of one section, so no biggie. But still. They're not perfect and full of possibility anymore.

What other excitement? The GF's birthday went on for a week or so, which was great fun. Did I already tell y'all I made dinner for her family? Let me just mention it once or twice more. It's one of those relationship rites of passage. And last Tuesday several friends celebrated with her at a local Japanese-Korean restaurant, perched on stools around the hibachi table. Fun, even if the food didn't thrill me. (The sushi looked good, though, so we'll go for that next time.) And my cosmo was quite yummy.

Maddie continues on, mostly sleeping, but also snuffling about the neighborhood and even trying to bark at Strange Dogs (who MUST be chased from the block at ONCE, even if her body won't quite cooperate). Her appetite's up and down, or possibly she just wants the yummiest of foods, unsullied by supplements. So, as long as she gets her pills, I'm rolling with it. A few treats here, some canned food there, and we're good.

I stopped at the vet to pick up another 10-day supply of pain meds, and also info on her regular vet's schedule and cremation logistics. And it occurs to me that I haven't done this much planning for myself. Not that I need to plan for my euthanization, but I should really put my wishes in writing. See, I had a partner with whom I had discussed all this, someone my family would trust to know my wishes. Part of my growth over the past few years has been to assume responsibility for myself more clearly--because I think I always was responsible for myself, but I didn't take all of the outside steps, like writing a will and stating what I want.

I was thinking of this particularly the other day when there was a discussion on NPR (you had to know that was coming) about having The Talk with one's parents about things like giving up driving or planning for end-of-life care. And I thought: who will do that for me? Well, I will.

So, while I put that whole will thing on my long "to do" list, let me just say this: 1. I want to be cremated, and 2. I'd like to have my ashes sprinkled somewhere I like. Yes, that last bit's vague, but there are many many places that would work. My first choice would be Kalaloch. And of course, it would be nice for the potential scatterer to have a reason to stay at the Kalaloch Lodge, which I'm sure s/he would very much enjoy.

If I designate a particular spot, should I make sure I have money put aside to fund the scatterer's vacation? Just wondering. Has Dear Abby addressed this issue?

No, I'm not going anywhere that I'm aware of. Count this conversation closer to the "just looking" category than the "plan now!" category.