Dreaming

So, I've been told that my dreams (both sleeping and awake) are really freaky and should be recorded. So, here's a glimpse into my spooky brain:

The other night, I was dozing off, and images began to float about--that liminal space between wakefulness and sleep that fills with odd little movies. I see someone--I'm not sure who--sitting on a park bench, in profile, perhaps 10 or 20 feet away. Then, a slightly smaller, darker figure on the other side of that someone leans forward and turns to look right at me. Direct eye contact. The figure seems human yet demonic, and knows far too much about me, based on that stare.

Abrupty, I am awake. And terrified.

I am particularly prone to this sort of imagining--the darkness within. It's why I can't read Stephen King or Dean Koontz, or even any nuevo-gothic vampire novels. Enjoyment of such fiction depends on always recognizing that it is, in fact, fiction: this is not real, therefore I can enjoy the ride. Like a roller coaster--we know that the car will stay on the track, so we can thrill with the jolting turns.

But I don't know that it's fiction. Part of me honestly believes these things are possible. That is, demons may well exist. Even if it's just a recognition of the demonic side of humanity, the darkness that permits us to do evil. But what if? What if some folks really can read others' thoughts? Control others' behavior?

The park bench "dream" reminds me the Chris Carter series Millennium.

Checking off boxes

Since the anxiety of these final weeks leading up to defense and graduation is fully upon me--complete with sleeplessness and nasty heartburn--I thought it might be helpful to publicly applaud myself for things I have gotten done in the past week:

1. Finished taxes. This includes federal, New York, and New Jersey. All by myself.
2. Found a place to live this summer, thus postponing finding a new apartment and probably a roommate until I'm better able to make clear-headed decisions.
3. Ordered cap and gown (rental).
4. Applied for two full-time teaching positions for next year.
5. Did lots of crafty work on gifts for committee. (I love decoupage! Tearing paper and playing with glue in random patterns, peeling glue off hands in big pieces--what's not to love? Everyone should expect decoupaged gifts for the next year.)
6. Gave samples of urine, toenails, blood (buckets, I swear!), and household dust to the examiner from the Sister Study project.

Okay, that's plenty. I'm feeling better now. I've turned a corner on this last little bit of revision, which I hope (cross fingers and squeeze eyes shut) will result in a more than defensable draft. (Smart hint o' the day for dissertators: re-read your exams and prospectus when you get bogged down. You may remember what you actually set out to do at the beginning! And even--as in my case--if you couldn't do all of it, you can talk real smart about what should happen with the project in the future.)

April in Syracuse

Certified Assholes

So, I heard Bob Sutton on BBC World News the other evening, and just had to jot down his name (while driving down a dark residential street one-handed...okay, a whee bit assholish). Having worked with any number of assholes, or at least, people prone to assholish behavior, I have to laugh at this stuff. On the other hand, I'm intrigued that an organizational psychologist has developed ways to measure the asshole level in a work environment.

Plus, I love that so many people are appalled by his use of the word "asshole." Too, too fun.