Okay, so here's my brilliant insight from yesterday morning, whilst I was hard at work on Chapter the Last:
"I respond with greatest clarity and wisdom to the fears I recognize and name. If I can trace the shape and limits of my fears, I can assess them, place them in proper perspective."
This occurred to me as I was wondering why I was afraid of some things, but not necessarily those things folks expect. Like breast cancer. With a mother and sister both having been diagnosed, you'd think I would be afraid of that. And I am, within reason. I'm able to assess my risk by reading the literature, talking to my sister about her diagnosis (and now survival going on year six...or is it seven), discussing preventive measures with health care professionals. My current decision to put off genetic testing is based less on fear than on the fact that I'm still regularly changing jobs and there's no real legal protection as yet to keep insurance companies from refusing coverage based on DNA.
So, I can recognize and name and really assess that fear. Others, I let get REALLY BIG in my head. Kinda like monsters hiding in the closet. (They used to. Lasik helped keep vague bogeymen to a minimum.)
Plus, you gotta have a sense of humor.
So, here's today's fear: Being seen as hypercritical. Let's be honest: being seen as a bitch.
Let's call this fear Georgette. Because I'm on a big Mary Tyler Moore kick of late.
Friday, March 02, 2007
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