Taking a short break from madly cleaning and preparing for having folks over this evening, and decided (after finding no email or comments on blog to divert my attention...this spending LOTS of time alone is quite new to me) to check out LesbianBuddhist.org and their Daily Wisdom:
"The fever of passion exists not for her who has completed the journey, who is sorrowless and wholly set free, and has broken all ties."
— Dhammapada 90
This is a big challenge for americans reading and exploring Buddhism. We're so immersed in the yearning and desire of daily life. We celebrate it and work to create it. We describe our love lives as lacking if such passion does not occur on a regular basis. We don't just want; we want to want.
Yet, such wanting works to create disarray in our lives and pain for ourselves and others. Of course, I'm not prepared to give this up, yet. First, I have to explore what it is about passion and desire that I enjoy, that gives me pleasure. This may seem self-evident, but I think that it's not. I don't enjoy huge highs and lows--I don't enjoy conflict or competition or limit experience. And yet, there are clearly aspects of what we label "passion" that I do enjoy.
(I'm trying to take the high road here, folks, so if you've got a mind like mine, slide up on the curb for a while.)
Is it intimacy? Truly knowing someone else? The almost merging of selves, only to pull back and consider how we've changed each other?
How much of it is self-serving? How much worth keeping, how much worth letting go of?
Must return to reading True Love: A Practice for Awakening the Heart by Thich Nhat Hanh; he will no doubt have wisdom to share on this subject.
And now, I will meditate on today's Wellbutrin rush (upped the dosage beginning yesterday; mayhaps need to find a happy medium) and washing Maddie the Wonder Dog, so that she will be clean and fresh for the evening's festivities.