"You'd think that people would have had enought of silly love songs.
But I look around me and I see it isnt so.
Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs.
And whats wrong with that?
I'd like to know, cause here I go again"
Well, Mr. McCartney, here's what's wrong with that: what is this conception of love you're promoting? Certainly this particular song of yours doesn't promote that, but what about all those other ones? The "you're my one and only, forever and ever" sorts of songs?
Not that I can really hold pop musicians responsible for our culture of heteronormative love, a culture based on subsuming one's own identity in coupleness. We do it so mindlessly, too, so easily, because it's the story we've become accustomed to and learned to desire. A story based on the passivity of the female...
...which is a serious dilemma for lesbians. Either we feel that if we're active, we're not really feminine, not really women, or we sit around waiting for the other to act. This can get quite confusing. And frustrating, I might add.
If I refuse that narrative, the happily-ever-after, if-it's-work-it's-not-love story, then what? The best relationships I've witnessed have been based on honest communication. Note I say "witnessed," because I think I've been inattentative, if not downright lazy, about my own relationships. I've waited for things to work themselves out, or for the time to be "right" to discuss the hard stuff.
Has anyone out there managed to transform themselves, to create new patterns in their relationships? I'd love to hear from you.