Tales of a 9th grade Tuba Player

Blogging Again, Elsewhere

2010-07-04T15:32:00.001-04:00

Come see my new blog. Over there.

Taking Pictures of My Boobs

2009-08-20T14:27:00.002-04:00

Yesterday's big excitement: breast MRI! Because of family history and a recent mammogram that showed "increased density"--something doctors have started noting as a potential early indicator of possible cancer (note the tentativeness there)--I now have a specialist and some more pretty pictures of my breasts. Here are lessons I'd like to share from yesterday's experience:
1. The sounds emitted during an MRI are reminiscent of a performance art piece.
2. Even though I'm not at all claustrophobic, I couldn't help getting a bit anxious during the whole thing, and began to wonder if my more-rapid-than-usual breathing was going to mess up the process.
3. In particular, I kept waiting for the contrast dye to hit my bloodstream, and never felt it. Which made me wonder if I'd lost all sense of time, since the MRI guy said it was gonna happen in the next minute or so.
4. They should post a clock on the wall so that we can actually tell how much time has passed.
5. Lying face down on a flat surface and letting one's boobs dangle through the holes provided is really pretty funny.
6. Make sure your arm is really really comfortable before it all starts. I didn't pick the best position, so it was getting challenging to hold it there by the end.
7. Just because everyone else on the street is parking on both sides doesn't mean you have carte blanche to ignore the opposite-side-of-the-street parking rules (see Parking Citation).
8. While I understand the rigorous security at hospital entrances, it's kind of a pain when you're only going in for a short test. Case in point: the three elderly volunteers took 10 minutes to issue my fiancee a visitor's pass so that she could accompany me. They seemed like lovely ladies, but their computer skills weren't quite up to speed.

As for the results: stay tuned.

Vacation Highlights!

2009-08-16T15:05:00.003-04:00

Thanks to a tip from one of my favorite aunts, we stopped at Snow Goose Produce in the Skagit Valley to enjoy ice cream--and yes, that's one scoop!

To Hyphenate, Or Not To Hyphenate: That Is The Question!

2009-07-18T10:47:00.003-04:00

Should I? I really like the idea, but then I've never had to live with a hyphenated name. Does anyone know anyone who's done it?

Rock On!

2009-07-18T10:41:00.002-04:00

Okay, so we were all settled on saving Big Bucks by creating our own iPod playlist for the reception. No troubles, right? I mean, Ms. C has a massive collection of CDs, including pretty much all the Chicago and Earth, Wind, and Fire and Motown and Michael Jackson and...well, you get the idea. We're on it. (Okay, it's not all 70s...there's a bit of 50s & 60s, as well as more recent stuff. Anyway.)

Then: we went to a concert in B'ville and see this excellent Chicago tribute band called Chicago Transit, who also performs lots of Motown-style-stuff under the name Powerhouse, and suddenly the fiancee's thinking, "Hey, wouldn't that be amazing?" And I reply, "Um...eight-piece band? Budget? And will they fit in the barn we're thinking of for the reception?"

Her plan, budget-wise: cut the food. Put out some bowls of potato chips. Okay, she's kidding. But something would have to give, and it's not like I planned on spending much on a dress.

But, nothing ventured, nothing gained. So, we tracked down the band (not easy, let me tell you), and the next step will be for Ms. C to call them and find out a) this is so far outside of our budget options we can just forget about it, or II) maybe not.

Wedding Colors

2009-07-08T18:43:00.003-04:00

Now, don't laugh: this is an important question! So much depends on this decision. C. is leaning toward pink, of late, and while I like that, we're tentatively planning on Fall 2010 for the reception, so I'm thinking a pale pink needs a richer tone to go with it. Would burgundy be too obvious? What about brown?

Keep in mind the site in the running right now for the reception is the loft of a big barn that houses a winery's retail and tasting area. Cool, huh?

And am I using this discussion to avoid working on my online class? Moi? Nev-er!

Ah, That New Car Smell

2009-07-03T13:31:00.004-04:00

If you look closely, I'm not smiling--but that's just because I was worrying about whether the camera was working! In fact, driving this baby is loads of fun. It's a brand new 2009 Subaru Impreza, five-speed, no fancy technology, and the prettiest shade of blue ever. (I did have the dealership install a remote starter for me, but it had to be done by an independent shop, so I have to go see them to show me how to use it. Because in zero-degree North Country weather, I want that baby warmed up, thankyouverymuch!)

Now, to find my Whitman sticker for the back window...

Wedding Stuff Continued

2009-06-26T13:36:00.002-04:00

Okay, so now that I have the beautiful car purchased (and making progress learning how to back into my parking spot...sigh...), back to the other fun stuff: wedding! Plans! Dreams! Oh, and realities--usually of the budget sort.

1. The NY State Senate continues to behave in an especially boorish fashion, so no progress on getting the gay marriage bill passed. So, we're still up in the air on the actual nuptials location.

2. The rings arrived! We're wearing them--why not? I've never worn so much bling in my life, and you all know how I am with shiny objects. (I warn students that my strict rules on talking/texting/whatevering during class have more to do with my own distractibility than anything else.) Pretty pretty pretty. (I tried unsuccessfully to take a photo, so you'll just have to wait 'til you see me in person.)

3. During a break from working on an online syllabus this afternoon, I stopped in to Macy's and tried on a couple of dresses, just to get an idea of necklines and such, and to feed my daydreaming. So far, I've settled on inexpensive, v-neck or halter, empire waist, and full skirt for happy dancing. And that's enough on that for a while--I mean, it's a year away. Face it: I love avoiding my work, and this feeds my avoidance.

4. I bought a copy of Martha Stewart Weddings, and I'm not allowed to buy any more wedding magazines. They say the same thing over and over again. And the featured weddings in Martha are, of course, fabulous *and* crafty. I am not crafting a paper bouquet. I don't think I'll even have a bouquet, for that matter. Nor am I rubber stamping and calligraphing place cards. Ain't happening.

We interrupt this message...

2009-06-15T20:54:00.003-04:00

The planning of the wedding celebration has been temporarily interrupted (except for affirming that there will be no playing of the Chicken Dance!) with The Great Car Shopping Expedition of 2009. Yes, it is at long last time to let go of the '98 Forester that has done such good service for the last 9.5 years. Here are some highlights:

1. Car shopping is a good test of compatibility. Thus far it has demonstrated that C. is a) willing to tolerate my giant anxiety attacks over this big step, and b) willing to compromise even though she prefers an automatic transmission and a white exterior. She's respected my shifting priorities and made excellent suggestions, even if I occasionally have felt overwhelmed by those suggestions. ("No, I hadn't considered that--how many cars does that make it we're gonna test drive?!") She is not so tolerant of my desire to put stickers on my car.

2. My fondness for the Honda Fit was done in by the fact that it was very difficult to find a model with electronic stability control and the fact that I drive through three weather zones twice a week all winter long--including the Tug Hill Plateau, known for its massive snowfall.

3. This fact also, ultimately, led me to lean toward AWD. Since I'm used to it.

4. This means that my goal of slashing my gas bill in half will not be achieved.

5. Of course, since I keep cars 'til I drive 'em into the ground, I gotta have something reliable and long-lasting.

6. I don't want another red car. I'm just sayin'.

7. I test drove the Kia Soul. Just because of the hamsters. No, it's not on the final list, but it was awfully roomy and fun! (Mood lighting--who knew?)

8. Driving a stick is a lot like riding a bicycle. At least in terms of body memory.

Stay tuned for the continuing saga! Hopefully, I'll have photos to post very soon of my new baby.

Engagement News, Volume 1

2009-06-07T14:55:00.004-04:00

So, the big news: We're getting married! I asked my sweetie two weeks ago, and she said yes. (I asked her here. At night. Tres romantic.) We've tentatively settled on a big celebration next summer involving lots of good music, liquor, and dancing. The ceremony's still up in the air, since we don't know if we'll be able to get married in New York State, or will need to travel to Maine or Canada or one of those more forward-looking places. (I suggested a destination wedding in Iowa, but that was nixed immediately.)

Most wedding planning seems to be taking place while jogging. This means that either a) we will be in incredible shape come next summer or b) we will be in horrible shape and nothing will get planned.

Yesterday we picked out rings. That was way fun, possibly because the ladies at the jewelry store held a wine-tasting event that afternoon. Regardless, we picked out lovely palladium bands (had you ever heard of that stuff?), and mine will be set with a beautiful diamond C.'s aunt gave her years ago. I'm a sucker for that kind of thing.

Stay tuned for further important wedding decisions, such as: can Susan pull off strapless? Will we be overcome by a sudden desire to recreate Ellen & Portia's million dollar intimate celebrity wedding, plunging ourselves into debt from which we will never recover? And how much does an open bar cost, anyways?

Getting Organized

2009-06-07T14:53:00.002-04:00

What did I say a week ago about getting organized and making progress on my projects?

Hmmmm....

Well, I *did* redo the front flower bed (read: saved hostas from encroaching lawn, added soil, planted pretty things--including a new shrub). And I helped with the ongoing rearrange the whole house project.

Now, that work thing. Yup.

Summertime

2009-05-31T13:36:00.002-04:00

So, I enjoyed lots of lazing about and reading last week (Lisa Scotteline's Daddy's Girl and Geraldine Brooks's People of the Book), it's time to get to work. Well, not today exactly. But tomorrow. Which means laying out my projects and scheduling my time. A new summer, a new leaf, some new strategies and old successful strategies for working independently.

So very, very talented

2009-05-21T23:10:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, I purchased a remote control (or "box," as C.'s family calls it), since the old one was refusing to turn the TV on and off. Not a big deal, perhaps, unless you like to watch TV at night. In bed. Then it could lead to an argument: "You turn it off." "No, you."

So, I bought a new one. The only requirement: buttons big enough to read without retrieving the reading glasses, and a "back" button. Because when you're channel flipping, who the heck wants to remember the numbers? I mean, really.

I found an added bonus feature: light-up buttons. (See note above, re watching TV at night in bed.)

My talent? Not just locating the perfect remote at a good price at La Tar-jay, but also reading the directions and programming it. Yes, we can. And I did.

And then I curtsied. C., who was in the midst of painting the dining room (a Big Job), expressed mild approval. Or was that amusement?

Have I Created a Monster?

2009-05-06T08:53:00.002-04:00

From my Inbox:

Dr. Adams,
It was new news to me today that till was a word of its own. My brother just texted me "You'll have to wait till later" and I noticed around the school that there is a poster that says something like "Set your goals high and don't stop till you get there" Now I notice it everywhere. I'm not quite sure if the new pet peeve is a good thing or a bad thing, but I'll never make the mistake again. Thank you.

Thanks, Teachers!

2009-05-06T08:41:00.002-04:00

So, today is National Teacher Day, and while you may find this a) self serving (since I'm a teacher), and b) foolish (since we should be thanking teachers daily with appropriate pay and work conditions), I'm gonna go ahead and thank a few of my faves from my 13 years of public schooling:

1. Mrs. Dolan, the first-grade teacher who was so stylish and so cool and knew how to keep a too-smart, socially awkward kid occupied. (That's with books, folks--lots and lots of books!)
2. Mrs. Smuck, my third-grade teacher, who gave us lots of active learning and creative play and got me to learn my times tables along the way.
3. Miss Shapiro, who in the fifth grade had to deal with the social awkward, smart, and did I mention oversized? girl with a temper. It didn't always work, but damn I learned a lot, and directed my first play to boot.
4. Mrs. Basse--who got that same girl in middle school. Ouch. But I did speeches and wrote tons and learned. I also punched the kid behind me in the nose, for which I apologize, to her and to him. Though he did hit me back, so I guess we're even.
5. Mrs. B--my 9th grade English teacher, my 10th grade speech teacher, my 11th grade journalism teacher--and the person who encouraged me to apply to Whitman. Good call on that one!
6. The Hawk, who I think of every time I lift my purple or green pen to write on student essays, every time I put the five-paragraph essay model on the board and proceed to deconstruct it, every time a student is late or misses an appointment--because that was me. And she managed to express her unhappiness with that behavior without questioning my intelligence. And that's no small feat.

I wonder...

2009-04-30T11:07:00.001-04:00

...since I set up a Twitter account, and since I keep getting emails saying folks are following me on Twitter, am I then obligated to actually do something on Twitter?

Or can I ignore it until it goes away?

Crankypants

2009-04-09T11:06:00.003-04:00

Reasons I am cranky:
1. It's April, it's still cold, and I want to wear sandals.
2. It's April, and the semester's coming to a climax, and I'm barely keeping my head above water.
3. I'm behind on two important department service tasks.
4. I need more sleep.
5. I want to drop a couple of pounds.
6. I probably shouldn't want to drop a couple of pounds.
7. I'm too lazy to get in shape.
8. I'm way too hard on myself.
9. Did I mention that it's April? And it was snowing the last couple of days?
10. I don't have a 10th reason, and I don't need one. So there.

Tattoo Contemplation

2009-04-01T14:37:00.004-04:00

That would be a good blog name, donchathink?

So, in my last post, I replied "not yet" to whether or not I had a tattoo, and SissieSue queried if I was, indeed, considering one. Yes--I've been thinking about this for some time, since I accompanied my sister years ago to get her two lovely tattoos. The important questions: what and where?

To "what," I have narrowed my choice to a carp or koi, because I'm a Pisces and love water and I think they're cool. (And, it turns out, they symbolize Samurai-like fearlessness and stoicism, and I could use all of that I can find.)

Now, for the "where," I had originally planned on my belly, because it was always my least favorite part of my body, and this was part of my learning to love me just the way I am. But now I'm thinking my foot. Because it looks so darn cool. I hear it hurts like a sumbich, but honestly, doesn't all tattooing?

So, I just found this design, which I like very much.

But since I just dropped $300 on new effing tires, this may have to wait.

Meme Time (so don't say I never post anymore)

2009-03-26T15:57:00.000-04:00

First thing you wash in the shower?
Hair.

What color is your favorite hoodie?
Aqua blue.

Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Yes, please.

Do you plan outfits?
Yes. (And if you know me, you didn’t need to ask!)

What do you use on your face?
Dove lotion with SPF 15.

How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Not bad, though I wish I was on my way southwards.

What's the closest thing to you that's red?
My red leather zip-around 3-ring binder from Levengers. (A treat for myself last fall, so’s I’d feel all professorial.)

What was the last dream you remember having?
My dreams are always weird and really hard to recall…

Did you meet anybody new today?
Yes—a textbook salesman’s boss. Nice guy.

What are you craving right now?
My sweetie.

Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Nope.

Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Or?

Do you like your hair?
Yes. Though I keep vacillating on the color.

Do you like yourself?
Yes, I do. That’s one of the perks of being 46.

Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
Is it okay if I drink too much and speak my mind?

What are you listening to right now?
The occasional sounds of colleagues moving about, and the elevator.

Are your parents strict?
Not really, though Dad talked a good line.

Would you go sky diving?
Maybe.

Do you like cottage cheese?
Yes, though I don’t really go out of my way to eat it.

Have you ever met a celebrity?
I don’t think so…I’d remember, wouldn’t I?

Do you rent movies often?
Lots—Netflix.

Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
A four-inchish clear rubber ball filled with glitter…like a bouncy crystal ball.

Have you made a prank phone call?
I think I did, when I was very young, and under the influence of the girl next door.

Ever been on a train?
Yes, and I want to do it again.

Do you use lip gloss/chap stick?
Love the lip gloss, particularly my MAC Lip Glass in “Venetian.”

Do you own a gun?
No. Not gonna happen.

Can you use chop sticks?
Yes, though not brilliantly.

Who are you going to be with tonight?
Hanging out with friends, then sleeping alone. So sad.

Are you too forgiving?
I don’t have the attention span for grudges.

Ever been in love?
Yes. Four times in my adult life. But this one’s a keeper.

What is your best friend doing tomorrow?
Do I have one? My oldest friend will probably be going to work on Pacific Time, and my closest friend here will be enjoying Waffle Friday with her little girl.

Ever have cream puffs?
Yes. Not bad: pastry, cream, what’s not to like?

Last time you cried?
Last week. Something on TV, probably.

What was the last question you asked?
Teacher-y questions: “What’s the purpose of your essay? What do you want readers to take away?”

Favorite time of the year?
Fall in the Northeast. Or August in the Pacific Northwest. Or late spring. Or…

Do you have any tattoos?
Not yet.

Are you sarcastic?
Oh, honey, please. Big sarcastic moment today, in response to a student’s admission that he smokes dope, “Surprise!”

Ever walked into a wall?
Many times. And hit my head on any number of surfaces. And fell down stairs.

Favorite color?
These days it’s purple or aqua.

Have you ever slapped someone?
No.

Is your hair curly?
The opposite.

What was the last CD you bought?
Brandi Carlisle, “The Story.”

Do you like your life right now?
Yes—I just wish I didn’t have to split my time between two places.

Do you sleep with the TV on?
Only if I doze off while my sweetie’s watching.

Can you handle the truth?
“Truth? What's that?!?” What she said.

Do you have good vision?
Yes, thanks to laser technology.

Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
Yes.

How often do you talk on the phone?
Every week night I’m away from my sweetie.

The last person you held hands with?
My sweetie.

What are you wearing?
Dark jeans, long-sleeved v-neck tee with some sort of Asian floral design, Skechers (with no socks—spring’s coming!!!)

What is your favorite animal?
Cats. But lots of others run a close second.

Where was your profile picture taken at?
My sister’s house in Seattle.

Can you hula hoop?
No way.

Do you have a job?
Tenure-track, baby!

What was the most recent thing you bought?
Let’s see…I bought a Vitamin Water last Monday…

Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yes.

What’s your favorite Jolly Rancher candy flavor?
Sour Apple. No, cherry.

15 Life-Changing Albums

2009-02-20T13:25:00.006-05:00

I decided to start doing all those Facebook things over here, because it feels more like writing when I do it here. Which is silly, but whatever.

The challenge is to come up with 15 "life-changing" albums...but after doing this list I see that some of these were life-changing, but some were soundtracks to major changes in my life. Regardless, here's the list, minus the tagging:

1. Tanya Tucker, TNT: It was the first album I ever bought for myself, and it was life-changing less for the music (though she does a rendition of "Send Me" that's wonderful) than for the album cover, which is the primary reason I bought it. Picture this: the LP cover opens up like a centerfold, and there's Tanya in a red leather jumpsuit (halter, I think), with the microphone cord snaking between her legs. Spot the baby dyke, buying the LP at Gateway Village--what was that? Fred Meyer Music, by then?

2. The First Saturday Night Live Cast Album: One or both of my sisters bought me this, I think for Christmas, and I can still recite dialogue.

3. The Cars. I belonged to the RCA Record Club, and I ordered a David Gates album as one of my freebies for joining. The muses intervened, and sent me this record inside the David Gates sleeve. Thank you, o muses.

4. Pete Townshend, Empty Glass: I perpetually forgot to mail back those stupid record club postcards to say I didn't want the month's selection, and this one came. And instead of sending it back, I listened to it. Interesting, raw rock and roll. My taste is nothing if not eclectic.

5 & 6. Hair (Broadway cast recording) / Fame (soundtrack). It's a tie. And this is sheerly for the number of times I listened to these, drama geek that I was. And to whomever stole my cassette copy of the Hair movie soundtrack from a party in Walla Walla sometime during 1982/1983, that was mean.

6 & 7. Patti Smith, Horses and Easter (tie). My first girlfriend introduced me to a lot of music, but Patti was definitely the most life-changing. I had seen her years before on Saturday Night Live, her voice shot, and I didn't understand it. Then I heard these albums and I got it. If you ever want to get in touch with your inner wild woman, play these.

8. Eurythmics, Sweet Dreams. You will begin to note a trend: strong, independent women. Hmmmm....

9. Indigo Girls, Indigo Girls: Ah, the trend continues.

10. Melissa Etheridge, Brave and Crazy. First saw her on VH1 and said, "Hey, there's a dyke on that there TV!"

11. k.d. lang, Ingenue. Loved the early albums, too, but Ingenue was in my Walkman for months during a particularly turbulent time in my life. There's something about k.d. lang's rich, powerful voice right in your ear...oh, and I saw the second night of her tour at a small theater.

12. Two Nice Girls, Chloe Liked Olivia. Witty, clever, eclectic. They rocked. The antidote to the melancholy I indulged in with lang.

13. The Traveling Wilburys Vol. I. If for no other reason than this list needs a few more guys.

14. Susan Tedeschi, Just Won't Burn. And we now return to our regularly scheduled trend. Her huge voice has been described as a blend of Janis Joplin and Bonnie Raitt. I first saw her when she opened for Keb' Mo in Seattle years ago.

15. Brandi Carlisle, Brandi Carlisle. Again, the soundtrack for a major transition in my life. Standing on the subway platform listening to "Follow" on my mp3 player. If you haven't heard her, check out her second album The Story. A voice that makes your heart ache.

Cruisin'

2009-01-23T17:52:00.004-05:00

Okay, I'm a convert. While I might like, perhaps, a simple but extremely well maintained eco-resort in some exotic locale, I have to say: having a four- or five-star hotel haul you from place to place whilst wining (and cosmo-ing) and dining you, is pretty darn fun.

Plus, the cabin staff make these fabulous little towel critters every evening--I think the monkey was my favorite. Or maybe the elephant. Or the dog...

Anyway, that massive cold front that covered the nation meandered down into the Caribbean during our trip, so no lying about in a bikini (I probably would have blinded folks with my glowing white skin, anyway) or snorkeling in Cozumel, but still: while my colleagues were bundling in multiple layers if they dared to go out at all, I was walking around in shorts and sandals.

Fun things I did on the cruise, despite the weather, in no particular order:

1. Got a pedicure, with hot pink polish.

2. Stared at the water for long stretches.

3. Sat in a hot tub in my bikini with total strangers for about 10 minutes.

4. Drank one complimentary cup of rum punch, one Bellikin (spelling? the official beer of Belize), one cosmo, and two pear-melon martinis over a stretch of about 10 hours.

5. According to C., the first pear-melon martini took me about a half hour to drink; the second considerably less time.

6. Danced a lot with C. right after consuming all those drinks in a club called The Dungeon.

7. Ate lots of really really good food, and some good food. No bad food.

8. Ate at Johnny Rockets at an outside table while the wind was blowing so hard the stuff kept flying off of people's tables.

9. With C., averted disaster when we accidentally created a wind tunnel by opening the cabin door while the balcony door was open. This may be fine on a mellow day, but when the captain's hauling ass in less fabulous weather, well, let's just say we're happy to report that only one small piece of paper went overboard. And we're very, very sorry for contributing to the pollution of the seas.

10. Had a combo massage/mini-facial/sales pitch in the ship spa.

11. Despite feeling really mellow post-massage, did not purchase the overpriced skin care products.

12. Only felt a tiny bit queasy a couple of times despite the turbulent weather.

13. Went to the zoo (really, a small wildlife refuge) in Belize and saw an ocelot, a jaguar named Junior, some beautiful birds, and a bunch of incredibly stinking peccary (peccaries?).

14. Found two floaty pens for my collection: one from the ship and one from Ft. Lauderdale.

All in all it was a wonderful vacation! I think next year we may wait and book something last-minute, though, so we can be a bit more sure of good weather. The go-away-right-before-the-semester-starts experiment was definitely a success!

Check out more photos here.

Thirty Things

2009-01-19T16:55:00.002-05:00

First, I promise I'll blog about the cruise later this week. Suffice it to say: extremely relaxing, very fun, but not so much sunny. And C. and I have discovered that we are compatible traveling companions, which is important.

Now, for those of you who don't listen to the This I Believe series on NPR, I must ask: why not? These are wonderful, short radio essays that really get to the core of things. (I'm having my creative non-fiction class read one this week...) I missed this one by Tarak McClain on Sunday, but it's excellent. Apparently, last year, when Tarak's kindergarten group did the usual 100th day celebration, he didn't bring 100 Q-tips, or 100 pennies, or 100 beans. He brought a list of 100 things he believes. For us, he winnowed it down to 30:

I believe life is good.

I believe God is in everything.

I believe we're all equal.

I believe we can help people.

I believe everyone is weird in their own way.

I believe hate is a cause for love.

I believe that when I meditate I feel peaceful.

I believe we should be generous.

I believe brothers and sisters should be kind to each other.

I believe kids should respect their parents.

I believe I should not whine.

I believe people should wake up early.

I believe people should go outside more.

I believe in nature.

I believe people should use less trees.

I believe we should help the Arctic and rainforest animals.

I believe people shouldn't throw litter on the ground.

I believe people should not smoke.

I believe God is in good and bad.

I believe in magic.

I believe people should not give up.

I believe love is everywhere.

I believe that God helps us to have a good time.

I believe we live best in a community.

I believe we can protect people in danger.

I believe we should help the poor.

I believe it's OK to die but not to kill.

I believe war should not have started.

I believe war should stop.

I believe we can make peace.

Pre-Semester Anxiety

2009-01-07T11:59:00.002-05:00

So, it's a good thing that I didn't resolve to blog more often.

Many of my friends who don't work in academia have trouble understanding the anxiety that hits at the beginnings and endings of semesters. While we teachers experience a range of anxieties in myriad (or plethora) of forms, such pre-semester anxiety often takes the form of:

Syllabus Stress. Is it/will it get done? Is it complete enough? Too thorough and thus too rigid? Have I addressed every last little thing that went wrong in preceding semesters? Have I anticipated everything that might ever go wrong in the future?
Tossing and Turning. This is done whilst lying in bed, wasting the few days remaining in the break, replaying all those things that went wrong or that I just know I could have done better, as well as anticipating all the future wrong stuff.
Teaching Nightmares. Once I'm finally asleep, I face those lovely teaching anxiety dreams. A few examples: I'm trying to get to my first class, but I can't seem to get across campus to the room, as I'm forced to drag my limp body across busy streets or (once) swim across some sort of reservoir. Or, it's halfway through the semester, and I have yet to collect any actual writing from the students. Or, they just won't listen to me, and I keep yelling louder to get their attention. (This last leads to talking in my sleep--or, at least, making noises in my sleep so that I sound like a teacher from Charlie Brown.)
Not Eating. This is a new one. My stomach gets so upset (think chronic low-grade acid reflux--lovely!) that I can't eat more than a little bit at a time. Even though what I want more than anything is to deflect stress the way I used to, by eating and drinking lots of lovely things. Like chips and dip. And macaroni and cheese. And margaritas. And cosmopolitans.

But, this year, I have a novel plan: I'm going on vacation. I'm not getting back until two days before classes start. I'm going to be lounging on the deck of a cruise ship in the Caribbean, my syllabi already off to be photocopied. If this works, it's going to become an annual rite. In the meantime, watch this space in a few weeks for photographs of me next to blue blue blue water...

2008: The Year In Review

2008-12-31T09:49:00.005-05:00

I sit here in C.'s kitchen the blinds open enough to give the baby amaryllis a bit of daylight, so that I see the snow coming down and adding to the several inches that accumulated since early this morning. I've just finished one of my all-time favorite breakfasts: two pieces of whole grain toast, one with butter and the other with peanut butter and jam. I should also have a piece of fruit, but I'm kind of full right now, so those bananas will just have to keep turning brown over there. And I polished off a small bottle of Starbucks frappuccino, that high-calorie substitute for the hot stuff.

It's the last day of 2008, the year I turned 45--by my reckoning the halfway point in my life. (I was once told, via tarot, that I would live to be very, very old, so I plan to surpass my Great Grandma D., who died a few years early at 87 because she refused to ask for help. Let that me a lesson to you, susansinclair!) This past spring was, I think, the conclusion of a two-year spiritual growth spurt that began in late March of 2006, when Ms. J and I split, Governor Jon Corzine announced a hiring freeze thus ending my chances at keeping my job for the next school year, and I faced the hard reality of a few years of serious denial regarding relationship and dissertation. (And what is a dissertation, but an intellectual relationship with one's self?)

When I moved to Syracuse in May of 2006, I began the long process of a) bawling my eyes out, b) getting my s**t together, and c) facing reality--no, really, really facing reality. The most important decision I made in that period (in addition to the usual sorts of affirmations, like "Yes, I am worthy of love/success/whatever") was to never make another decision out of fear. My choices from then on had to be positive ones: to choose to move toward something, rather than away.

I won't say this has been easy. I still spin with anxiety from time to time (someday I'll tell you about Christmas 2008...but not today), over things both worthy of serious consideration and things completely and utterly unimportant, over things under my control and things I don't have a snowball's chance in hell of influencing, even indirectly. And, of course, this decision has spawned a new set of anxieties: "Did I make that decision for the right reasons? Or am I afraid of something? Am I doing this to please someone else?" So, that's me. Live with it. Or not.

Of the two major decisions I made in 2008--to be with C. and my job--I can definitively assert that I made these decisions for all the right reasons. Which is why this turned out to be such an excellent year.

Mulligan resolutions for 2009

2008-12-30T18:40:00.003-05:00

A conversation recently ensued on a friend's Facebook page regarding New Year's resolutions, those odd promises we make to ourselves to be Better People. Or used to: I stopped making them a while back, realizing that anything worth doing is probably worth doing now, rather than waiting until after the Overindulgence Holidays. (Unless it's a promise to stop eating rich foods--that's really an unfair promise to make, particularly if you're going to the GF's family's for Christmas, where the tradition is antipasto and lasagne.)

Anyway, where was I? New Year's resolutions. So, this Very Smart Man (doesn't narrow my friends down much, does it?) noted that his 2009 resolutions looked rather familiar, implying that he was still trying to do some of those things he'd promised himself in past years. The conversation led to this suggestion: Mulligan resolutions.

According to Wikipedia, in a totally unsourced and thus not-exactly-authoritative article, outside of competitive endeavors generally refer to do-overs--an opportunity to redo something one has somehow muffed. (This is different from grade school do-overs, which were generally used to resolve arguments about whether the square ball was in or out.) So, a Mulligan resolution is a second shot at whatever it was you had wanted to do or change or accomplish or stop doing or whatever.

So, rather than making new resolutions for 2009, I offer the following Mulligan resolutions:

1. Drink more water.

2. Do more yoga.

3. Get more exercise.

4. Try new things.

5. Say yes the first time.

"Your blog is missed"

2008-12-28T18:45:00.002-05:00

Thanks to Anonymous for those kind words. I've missed blogging...and I can't believe I haven't posted here since November 12! Things I have done since then include (but are not limited to):

1. Had Thanksgiving dinner with the GF's family, which included an after-dinner walk around Thousand Island Park. Yum and fun.

2. Completed my first semester at my new Institution of Higher Learning, which resulted in the lowest grades overall that I've ever given in my life. I was warned about this by the folks who've been there a while, but still.

3. Seriously rethought my syllabus for English 101 for the coming semester, to help prevent such large-scale failure/dropping-out/burning-out by students.

4. Began planning two new courses for spring semester: Creative Non-Fiction (thank you in particular to Dr. Write for the use of her excellent syllabus) and Professional Writing (i.e., writing for the workplace).

5. Drove south to the GF's house just ahead of the winter storm heading north up the Eastern seaboard as soon as finals were done, only to spend the following day finishing up grading and filing final grades.

6. ...and then getting on a plane the next morning to fly to Seattle...

7. ...to visit with family and friends for five days...

8. ...only to leave Seattle just ahead of Snowmageddon...

9. ...and arriving back in central NY before the Big Dump of snow here.

So, it's been a busy few months. Christmas deserves a blog entry of its own, which I promise to provide in the next day or so. And coming up: a cruise to the Caribbean, right before classes start up again. Yes, I plan to return to the Great White (Frozen) North sunburned and relaxed and ready for anything.

Share the Love

2008-11-12T18:33:00.003-05:00

Many of you have probably already seen this. I'm not a fan of Keith Olbermann, but this brought tears to my eyes. And not just because my thoughts, these past few months, have turned to marriage and weddings and growing old with the woman I love. Okay, maybe a lot because of that, but also because I've always been a sucker for weddings and true love and beating the odds. Until recently, I believed that progressive folk should pursue a more radical agenda: getting the state out of the marriage business altogether. But I have been persuaded by the energy and joy of lgbt couples who have worked to secure and celebrate this right.

And yes, of course, because I want that, too.

The Fragility of Civility

2008-11-05T09:35:00.003-05:00

As we celebrate the political process in the United States and heap praise on ourselves for our enlightened civil democracy, this post about the erosion of civil liberties in Taiwan is an important reminder. We need to redouble our efforts to prevent further erosion of our own rights and work to restore the pre 9/11 FISA laws.

Meme time

2008-10-24T10:36:00.003-04:00

In the interest of blogging more often, I gakked this meme (I sound sooooo techno) from Dr. Write:

Answer these questions with only one word. (Anyone who knows me is no doubt doubled over laughing at the idea of me being able to keep myself to one word...)

Where is your cell phone? desk
Where is your significant other? work
Your hair color? fabulous
Your mother? missed
Your father? growing
Your favorite thing? water
Your dream last night? hazy
Your dream/goal? innovation
The room you’re in? office
Your hobby? fabulousness
Your fear? abandonment
Where do you want to be in 6 years? cohabiting
Where were you last night? tub
What you’re not? focused
One of your wish-list items? boots
Where you grew up? seattle
The last thing you did? chatted
What are you wearing? clothes
Your TV? functional
Your pet? nope
Your computer? Macbook
Your mood? tentative
Missing someone? sweetie
Your car? functional
Something you’re not wearing? necklace
Favorite store? Loft
Your summer? amazing
Love someone? passionately
Your favorite color? purple
When is the last time you laughed? morning
Last time you cried? unsure

Alas, alack

2008-10-22T22:53:00.002-04:00

So, I've been remiss in posting. A few folks read this thing, so honestly, I need to post at least once in a while.

The culprit: work. Work work work. I know--it's a new job, new school, new students--lots to adjust to. Not to mention the new town and new apartment. Oh, yeah, and the still-new girlfriend, who resides in another town. So, yeah, things have been a bit hectic.

I tried some new teaching strategies this semester, in an effort to manage a 4/4 teaching load. (I taught the equivalent last year, but didn't have the same departmental responsibilities, so I knew this was going to be an adjustment.) Some strategies are working, some aren't, so I'll be retooling again in the spring. But, I'm beginning to see, that will be the same every semester for the rest of my teaching career. It's the nature of the beast: "I'm sure I can do this better!"

The students are taking a bit of adjusting to, as well. It's not just that they're underprepared for reading and writing, it's that some are underprepared for college life in general. They don't know how to listen when folks (read: moi) are giving them clear guidelines. They don't meet deadlines that are designed to help them be successful on assignments. They don't take advantage of the resources available to them.

I suppose it's, in part, a maturity gap. The older students rarely have these problems--they have other problems, but not the whole "I'll just wing it the night before even though the prof told me I can't" attitude. This maturity gap is also seen in many of those same students using inappropriate language in the classroom. By this I mean, words like "gay" and "retard" and "Chinglish." Yes, really. I had to tackle that stuff head on finally, by having them do a (very private) freewrite listing all the derogatory names they've ever been called, and then putting some of mine on the board:

Fattam Adams

The Walking Dictionary

Geek

Nerd

Bitch

Dyke

The last definitely got some reactions. But it got us talking about when it's appropriate--or at least, less problematic--to use names, and when we need to be more careful. About the limits of intention ("But I don't *mean* that!"). About the need for a degree of respect for the workspace--for a shared environment that isn't just all about our own needs and interests.

A colleague and I are going to put together a short packet of readings on this for spring--if we have to address it, we may as well make it part of the curriculum, right? Students may as well be practicing their critical reading strategies and writing a bit in response to all this, while we're sneaking in a diversity lesson.

Tough Day = Baby Animals

2008-10-16T17:46:00.001-04:00

A Bitter Man reviews The House Bunny

2008-09-26T10:40:00.000-04:00

What if Facebook Happened in Real Life

2008-09-24T15:31:00.002-04:00

2008-09-22T15:27:00.008-04:00

I'd just like to point out what a trendsetter I am. Here's me last summer, complete with fabulous pixie cut, thanks to my brilliant stylist Danielle. (Who will be updating my color to a lovely rich red this Saturday, by the way.)

And here's Victoria Beckham in her fab new pixie cut. (This is an AP photo by Peter Kramer, recently featured on The San Francisco Gate's website. In case you thought I was hanging with Posh & J.Lo. at NY Fashion Week.)

And here's actress Julianne Nicholson, recently of Law & Order: Criminal Intent (photo from Yahoo). I've actually had a few people think I look a lot like her, including a nice older man at an airport.

Plus, I'm thinking I need this outfit for work. I'll keep the badge and the great belt, but definitely lose the gun. (Tempting as it may be to establish authority....but, no.)

The Furniture Cometh!

2008-09-01T15:48:00.003-04:00

Tomorrow, I shall at last have furniture. Because last week, C. came to visit and we discovered that the living room floor is damn hard when one tries to watch TV. Pretty blue couch! Spiffy leather-covered ottoman/coffee table! Sleek dining table & chairs! Upholstered bed frame! Tres grownup.

Fave Punctuation

2008-08-27T11:25:00.006-04:00

Check out this piece from Salon (and thanks to the NCTE Inbox for mentioning it). I've just skimmed it...but I'm sure I'll have time to read it in depth later...when we're past the first week of school...

(Bonus points to anyone who can identify my favorite punctuation...blame it on text messaging...)

Where, oh where, has my summer gone?

2008-08-24T14:12:00.006-04:00

So, it's August 25, and classes start tomorrow, and I'm still unpacking my apartment, and I miss C. Clearly, summer is over. Really over.

In good news, I have cable and wireless up and running. In bad news, still no furniture to speak of: I'm sitting (as anticipated) in my folding camp chair in front of the TV, Macbook on my lap, feet on a box. I hope to do the major furniture purchasing this Sunday, so this place will feel more like a home and less like I'm camping out.

So, expect phone calls from me, all y'all. With luck, I'll be so busy, I won't be able to keep moping about. And eating too much. (Remember that too skinny problem? All gone. And then some. Ahem.)

Mind the Minne-Ha-Ha

2008-07-27T14:45:00.003-04:00

C. & I spent a fabulous couple of days at Lake George, being all touristy and stuff. We tasted wine (twice), and drank a bottle sitting on the balcony of our motel room watching the sunset over the lake and being silly. We also rented Waverunners--and don't tell my old wooden boat and environmentally conscious friends, but they're freakin' FUN! We had to go up the road a ways to Bolton Landing to rent them, because you can't get them right in Lake George Village. Why? Rumor has it that someone ran one into the Minne-Ha-Ha, which is now our favorite joke. As in, it's all fun and games until someone rams the Minee-Ha-Ha.

Civil Discourse

2008-07-17T09:32:00.003-04:00

I just hate sounding like one of those harbingers of doom: people aren't reading books! teenagers r txtg the language into oblivion! the world is going to hell in a handbasket!

But. I hate the way people engage online. I know folks do this stuff face to face, too, but I usually don't hang out with folks who talk like that. At least not for long. But I do like to read blogs, particularly queer blogs, and I get cranky when readers post stupid stuff.

Okay, so "stupid stuff" isn't exactly the height of articulation, but you know what I mean, right? Those knee-jerk responses that fail to take time--even one or two words--to acknowledge any possible complexity within the original post. I'm not saying folks gotta be hung up on mythical original intent, but maybe take a moment to think, "Is my gut reaction the only possible interpretation here? Am I, perhaps, overreacting when I tell the blogger she's an idiot and represents everything that's wrong with the lgbt community? Hmmmm...."

Part of it is that a lot of folks like to get all wound up about stuff. That's why they enjoy listening to talk radio or watching Fox news or arguing with each other about really important stuff, like Britney's potential comeback or whether reality tv sucks on principle. I don't really enjoy fighting for fighting's sake. There's a few things I'll get hot under the collar about, but I don't really enjoy the adrenaline rush. I'm more excited if someone actually tries to explain his perspective to me.

Lots of folks have talked about what it is about being online that permits writers to be especially uncivil. A quick glance at any Yahoo news discussion board provides a good example of this. Or the comments following YouTube videos. "YOU SUCK!!!!!!!!" is not a good example of civility. Such screaming suggests, in fact, that the poster needs to get a friggin' life, if one little online post makes her get that angry.

It's like we've developed technologies that allow us to be in each others' laps, to intertwine our intellectual and emotional lives in increasingly complex ways, without developing the social skills to manage this intimacy. Kind of like road rage: we share this complicated technological and material space, and we have rules that are supposed to manage this space, but we don't seem to have fully developed the social skills.

Maybe I'm thinking about this because I just finished listening to David Sedaris' latest book (on CD, natch, because you have to listen to him reading his stuff), and he has a long essay on living in Tokyo for a few months, and touches on how a crowded culture like that has developed strategies for preserving personal space.

Once again, I've rambled around the complexities of a problem without zeroing in on a particular cause and developing a solution. I am Uncertainty Woman! But, I shall do my part this fall, working with 100 18-year-olds to convince them to weigh their words and be rhetorically responsible! (I want an invisible plane so's I can fly unscathed through the Sea of Uncivil Discourse.)

sheer silliness

2008-07-06T11:58:00.002-04:00

Check out this video from the Seattle Times...boat racing at its finest...er...most bovine?

And freedom tastes of reality

2008-07-05T09:34:00.003-04:00

C. & I went to see a local band and watch the fireworks last night--a lovely spot on the river in a small town near here. It was a gorgeous night--spectacular sunset, good music, and, of course, lots of people-watching. There was the usual assortment--young teens working very hard at their coolness, older folks hanging on to their youth a bit too hard, women who clearly haven't changed their hairstyle since they were 28 (wall o' bangs, anyone?). Oh, and the guy not only wearing a hat made out of the cardboard box that used to hold a 12-pack of Labatts, but also wearing a shirt advertising where you can get one for yourself!*

And then there was Annoying Drunk Guy. Oh, not falling down drunk--that might have been more manageable. No, this is the Guy Who Wants to Believe He's Hip. He decides he wants to befriend the attractive lesbian couple standing near him and his date/girlfriend/wife/whatever. So, he asks us if we're enjoying the evening (or something to that effect) and then tells us pointedly that he's a big supporter of being free. In fact, he continues, he had a brother who was "free." (This last point gets confusing, as he insists later his brother is dead and was not, in fact, gay. Whatever.)

You know this guy, right? The kind with no respect for personal space. Who can't take a hint. Who clearly is too drunk to notice the evil mind rays I'm emitting...well, starting emitting at him and his friends as soon as I saw them flick cigarette butts into the river. The sort of guy who's watched way too much straight porn and honestly believes lesbians are just waiting for the right guy to come along and join them.

But I like this word "free." We never did sort out if he meant free was a euphemism for gay. And, of course, he didn't take the hint that maybe if he can't bring himself to use words like "gay" or "civil rights" then maybe he ain't so hip after all. But think of all the ways we can use "free" as a queer code word! Here's a few of my suggestions--maybe you can come up with your own!

"Tom Cruise is so free!"
"That outfit is just fabulous--really free!"
"Tila, stick to the free girls. Really."

*I don't remember the website on his T-shirt, but here's a YouTube video that demonstrates how to make a hat for yourself!

Spamalot

2008-07-04T09:54:00.003-04:00

I always like to take a quick glance at my spam folder in Gmail before banishing all those promises of greater length and girth (and, apparently, the ability to make my girlfriend even happier than she already is) to the great digital dustheap. And so, there I saw it: an oldie but a goodie. What I like about this particular version of the Nigerian scam is its honesty: he found me "some where over the internet" (way up high?), and--o remarkable coincidence--his client and I share the same surname. Along with millions and millions of other Americans.

Oh, and finding me gave him great joy. And that's what I'm here for, really.

"Dear Susan M. Adams,

My name is Azreel Khalmizam a legal practitioner with A.Khalmizam & Associates in Kuala Lumpur,Malaysia.

I found your contact/profile some where over the internet and it gave me the greatest joy,that you are the one I have been looking for.Whom I strongly believe could execute this transaction with me.And being more positive that with your capability,that this transaction of transferring US$18,000,000.00 will be successfully accomplished.

My purpose of contacting you is for you to help secure the funds left behind by my late client,to avoid it being confiscated or declared unserviceable by the Finance House.Where this fund valued (US$18,000,000.00) Eighteen Million United State Dollars deposited by my client before his death in November 2004.

You might be wondering why am I communicating with you,believe it or not it is simply because you and my late client have the same surname.Though this is coincidental,I strongly believe,you could help me in the task which is the distribution of my late client¢s funds."

busy busy busy

2008-07-04T09:29:00.002-04:00

Well, busier than I thought, anyway. Things I've been getting done, even when I feel I'm not getting enough done:
1. Taught myself to use iCal this morning. (This may be a snap to some folks, but we Easily Distracted Persons don't always handle self-instruction all that well. Like, it took me several frustrated attempts to find that dinky tiny drop-down menu for recurring events.)
2. Attempted to figure out how to sync iCal and Google calendar. Decided to bag it for now, because, quite frankly, I don't need to know. So there.
3. Played with display features on Macbook. Because I can. And because there was too much crap in the dock. (Do I need a constant reminder that I could--were I so inclined--compose music on my computer?)
4. Emailed online learning guy at New School to see if there's any upcoming workshops on their course management system. Because I hate starting the semester confused about stuff like that.
5. Realized--again--that it's a good thing I haven't gotten farther on my syllabi, since it would be good to know what features I might want to use on said new CMS.
6. Treated myself to cosmo & sushi last night and continued re-reading John Bean's Engaging Ideas. Because I'm teaching four classes this fall. And I need help structuring assignments in a more time-effective yet still pedagogically sound manner.
7. Played TextTwist.
8. Sent short text to C., who won't see it for hours. Because I can.
9. Bought a cinnamon dolce latte from Starbucks. That was first, naturally. And it's not decaf. Don't tell my doctor, k?
10. Told y'all what I've been doing.
11. Got back to work.

Vacating

2008-07-03T09:58:00.003-04:00

Did I mention I'm having a great summer? (Yeah, yeah, the work's hanging over my head these days, but still...) C. and I went up to the Thousand Islands for a few days last week, and did a boat tour on the St. Lawrence. And loafed. And ate good food. Very nice.

And this past weekend we went to see the Doobie Brothers and Chicago at Bethel Woods, the concert venue on the old Woodstock site. Excellent concert--except, perhaps, for the pouring rain during the second half, but Chicago's worth it, right? (We were just under the roof, so some protection, but still a pretty wet experience.)

And we stayed at a beautiful B&B near Barryville, NY, which I highly recommend. Well, so do tons of other people, so it's not like I'm giving you fabulous inside information, but we definitely want to go back. Maybe in the fall, when the leaves turn. The view was amazing, even from the room. Lying on the bed. And I saw lots of birds--a blue bunting, a scarlet tananger, hawks, and (I think) an eagle.

So, time to get my ass in gear. Today: reading about strategies for managing the teaching load this fall...

New Computer Happy Dance!

2008-06-23T18:19:00.002-04:00

It's a healthy new MacBook! Everybody dance with me now...

And thanks to CG for mentioning the special offer for a free (after rebate, natch) iPod Touch. I feel sooooo 21st century now. Or will, once I get it out of the box and figure out how to get the tunes off my old laptop...hmmmm...anyone volunteering to help will be offered free alcohol.

Falling Into Place

2008-06-20T17:37:00.003-04:00

C. (formerly known as TWIS, or "This Woman I'm Seeing") and I drove up to the Thousand Islands on Tuesday and stayed over, then to my soon-to-be-hometown in scenic Northern New York on Wednesday to check out my new apartment complex. We walked through a semi-vacant unit (they're all identical, so it was helpful), and all looks good. Imagine that: a place that looks exactly like the website represents it. Amazing. And we walked over the footbridge over the river to campus, and it's a beautiful walk. I imagine many mornings I'll be booking it to get to class on time, so not necessarily enjoying the water or the trees, but still. Gorgeous. And good to know I'll be getting my daily exercise, either walking or biking to school five days a week.

C. and I continue to enjoy each other's company, and plan to for the foreseeable future. But since she doesn't read my blog, or any blogs for that matter, nor otherwise waste her time online, I won't be blogging about it. So if you want to know more, well, email or call. That's all I'm sayin'.

Apropos of nothing, I got my hair highlighted on Tuesday. Um, I say "highlighted," but really, bleached. I'm blonde, baby. The cut is fabulous, but I'm still a bit overwhelmed by the blonde-ness of it all. My roommate (whose fashion sense I trust) and academom (whom I trust not to lie to me) both like it a lot, so I think I'll just have to adjust. Maybe I just need to be a wee bit tanner.

Of course, now Middle Sister and I look more alike again...we might even fool folks into believing we' re really blondes. Really smart blondes.

good night, sweetheart

2008-06-19T08:56:00.001-04:00

My sister forwarded this wonderful video...must be something in the timbre of his voice. I wonder if it would work for me on my whinier nights?

In the Unlikely Event of a Water Landing

2008-06-14T11:56:00.003-04:00

...or, that I publish a book. Dr. Write is auditioning photos for her recently accepted volume of stories, so, in the unlikely event that I ever need a pic for the book jacket, I offer this one. I think it's an excellent choice. Apparently I was offering a toast at the reception following the doctoral hooding ceremony. I was not drunk--I had about two sips of that beer--but in my usual antiphotogenic way, I have achieved the essence of drunken pretension.

Not an easy task, I must say.

happiness, and other impertinences

2008-06-12T13:54:00.002-04:00

So, we (TWIS, aka This Woman I'm Seeing) watched Prairie Home Companion last night, which was much better than I 'd hoped--but then, you can always count on Robert Altman to attract a great cast, and it was cool to see the radio actors I love from the regular program, like Sue Scott.

Anyway, I suggested at the start of the movie that perhaps TWIS would gain a better understanding of My People. See, I live around her people--I see them all the time. (Not that I've met the family--it's early days, folks.) So, I've witnessed the bluntness, the open affection, the high energy, the occasional loud-mouthedness. My People, on the other hand, well, they're a quieter breed. Self-contained. Good, honest, polite-to-your-face kind of people.

At one point in the movie, Garrison Keillor (he of the face made for radio) says of Norweigans that if we feel happy, well, just hang on for a few minutes and it will pass. And that cracked us up. Because I've had a bit of trouble lately enjoying a new romance for what it is. Fun. Exhilarating. Happy. My brain wants to zoom ahead: Danger, Will Robinson! Look at all those red flags!! What if? What if? What if?

So, I'm just having a good time. Really. And I trust that I am such an inherently pragmatic person that whatever comes my way, I'll handle. After all, what's the point of all this smartitude if I can't put it on autopilot?

entropy

2008-06-10T10:19:00.003-04:00

Isn't that one of the laws of the universe? We're all heading entropy-ward? Two cases in point: my car and my laptop.

The car is feeling its age, needing lots of little but expensive things. Like a timing belt. And a bearing here or there. Nothing major--nothing that will leave me by the roadside in the summer heat. Oh, wait...

And speaking of summer heat, the air conditioning died. Dammit. And I just can't cough up $600+ to replace the a/c on a 10-year-old car I plan to sell in the fall, when I don't have any income during the summer months. So, I'll be the one hanging my head out the window like a dog.

The laptop, well, it ain't so portable anymore. See, one of the hinges broke, so now I can't fold it. Now, it's just a skinny little desktop.

I shall, a la The Secret, continue to envision replacements (here and here) for these steadfast but tired parts of my life.

Let the Waterworks Begin

2008-06-07T10:22:00.004-04:00

For an unrepentant cryer like myself (okay, I'm working on the unrepentant part), the Olympics provides weeks of weepies. This morning on NPR, this story got the season off to a moist beginning.

Really? Hmmm...

2008-06-07T09:42:00.002-04:00

What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03)
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Existentialism

Your life is guided by the concept of Existentialism: You choose the meaning and purpose of your life.

“Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.”

“It is up to you to give [life] a meaning.”

--Jean-Paul Sartre

“It is man's natural sickness to believe that he possesses the Truth.”

--Blaise Pascal

More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page...

Existentialism

85%

Hedonism

75%

Utilitarianism

70%

Justice (Fairness)

60%

Strong Egoism

40%

Kantianism

25%

Apathy

10%

Nihilism

10%

Divine Command

pda

2008-06-05T14:05:00.003-04:00

No, I haven't bought myself a new personal digital assistant. (I want a fancy new smart phone, but that's another story. I also want a Wii and a leather jacket. I'm a greedy little thing.)

No, this is about public displays of affection. In particular, homosexual pda--the sort that seems to frighten some narrow-minded folks. It seems two women were asked to stop making out at a recent Seattle Mariners' game, because another spectator had complained. There may well be more to this story--it turns out one woman involved was on an MTV bisexual version of The Bachelorette. Regardless, it makes me sad.

Why? Because I've spent my adult life censoring my pda's. I've spent way too many hours worried about what other people might think. Granted, some of this is just my upbringing as a Scandinavian-American Seattleite, but a lot of it has to do with how people respond to gay folks. Years ago, a woman followed me into the bathroom at a seedy bar and threatened to beat me up, because apparently her boyfriend thought I was cute and I was there with my girlfriend. It was bad enough, I guess, that her boyfriend looked at me (and, btw, *ick*), but the fact that I had no interest in boys was just to much for her snaggle-toothed little brain. (Okay, the brain wasn't snaggle-toothed, she was, but you get my point.)

I still think twice when I reach for the hand of the woman I'm walking through the mall with. So, as part of my new fearless campaign, I promise to engage in pda whenever possible. Well, at least so long as I'm with someone I actually want to express such affection for. I'm not threatening random smooches.

Unless she's really really cute.

And wants to buy me a leather jacket.

What I'm Up To Today

2008-06-04T14:58:00.003-04:00

1. Ate breakfast (two eggs over easy plus two pieces of toast)
2. Played on the computer
3. Went for a nice long power walk
4. Showered and listened to NPR
5. Went to the library and returned to the Pulitzer-prize-winning novel I should* be reading in order to check out a new chick-lit-esque novel by a former classmate.
6. Visited Target, my home-away-from-home, to pick up prescriptions, yard sale signage materials, and buy a new pair of shorts. (Okay, the last one wasn't essential, but I look damn cute in 'em.)
7. Shopped for groceries--stuff to whet my appetite. Like chips and dip. (I had 'em with a salad, so back off!)
8. Ate lunch and began reading said novel.
7. Emailed my fall textbook orders.
9. Spoke to my presumptive future landlord about my presumptive new home up North.
10. Played on the computer
11. Got my ass away from the computer to work on academic writerly crap.

*Note: I have decided to avoid the word "should" as much as possible from now on. I often do what I want to anywho, so why am I wasting time feeling guilty about what I should be doing?

Who the Hell is That?

2008-05-31T15:40:00.003-04:00

Ah, yes, the autumn of 1982. The crisp air, the changing leaves, the growing-out-perm-turned-mullet. And, of course, the raccoon eyes--not a good look when you have deep-set eyes to begin with.

This was my head shot for acting class, and it had been sitting on my parents' mantel ever since. I snagged it (and an unframed studio shot of MsJ and I ca. 1994 that was propped up against it) just because I've always kind of liked this young woman staring back at me, daring me to look away.

I don't know if this is shortly before or after I walked out of a Sigma Chi party late one night and swore off boys, but it's definitely right around that time. We were rehearsing Nicholas Nickleby like crazy, and I was faking my way through American Foreign Policy (hey, I didn't go into rhetoric for nothing--I can b.s. with the best), and drinking too much. Oh, and meeting the woman I'd end up spending the next 9 years with.

But that's another story entirely.

More Water

2008-05-29T17:52:00.003-04:00

One thing I miss living in central NY state is water. Oh, we've got some lakes--even a Great one not so far away--but nothing right close by. But yesterday I went for a drive with the woman I'm seeing (let's call her "TWIS" for short) up to Alexandria Bay and nearby Wellesley Island. (It was a spontaneous trip, so I didn't have my camera with me. But I stared a lot.)

This was the first time I've been there, and I'm looking forward to going back--it's not even a very long drive from where I'm moving later this summer. Way cool.

The Seattle Report

2008-05-29T17:47:00.003-04:00

Seattle was lovely, but first the important news you're all waiting for: I gained three pounds. This may be primarily cosmo weight, but I'll take it.

I managed to squeeze in time for the Rhetoric Society of America conference, visiting with friends, and all-important family time--not bad for four and a half days! I also made it down to Richmond Beach to watch the water and soak up some sun (see evidence at right), and to the Ballard (aka Chittenden) Locks--and I hadn't been to the latter since I can't remember when. (It's always amazing the things you don't do when you're from a place.)

As always, there were lots of things I meant to do and didn't get to, but that's okay. Tomorrow, as Scarlett would say, is another day.

What I've Been Up To

2008-05-20T13:20:00.002-04:00

Following Dr. Write, a list:

Reading for my own enjoyment! Just finished Crybaby Butch and Need More Love--both fabulous in their own ways, though I strongly recommend the latter, an illustrated memoir by Aline Kominsky Crumb.
Reading for my upcoming RSA presentation, including rereading an exam I wrote in 2004 on queer historiography. Know what? I'm pretty smart!
Having lots of fun.
Trying to eat more and still losing weight. And yes, I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow morning. So no, you don't need to nag me when you see me in Seattle. But you could buy me a highly caloric alcoholic beverage.
Watching Once, which was absolutely amazing. Oh-my-god amazing.
Getting grumpy with the archives, because someone was supposed to have scanned some photos and documents for me by the end of last week, and they won't get them done on time. So I have to go up and take photographs this afternoon.
Buying a pretty new turquoise sweater for a dinner date.
Rescheduling that dinner date due to the date-ee's illness, which is just as well, since I have to get that presentation done.
Procrastinating yet again on my presentation by playing online. Like right now.
See, still at it.

Monkey Disaster's Friday Question

2008-05-19T15:00:00.002-04:00

The witty and sagacious Mr. Moe tries to post a question on his blog each Friday--sort of a "talk amongst yourselves" moment. I like this one a lot, so I pose it all to you, along with my answer:

"Congratulations! Hollywood Pictures is making a movie of your life. We'll get to things like casting, treatment, genre, and musical score later. But short term there is a more pressing issue: toy tie-in. A little giveaway item to promote the film version of you. Available with any meal. Production needs to get started right away.

Your job is to design the toy. WHAT DOES THE TOY FROM THE MOVIE OF YOUR LIFE LOOK LIKE AND WHAT DOES IT DO? Keep in mind it needs to be pretty simple and cheap. Still, it should capture the essence of you, or at least the you character from the film. And please describe how the toy is played with. BONUS QUESTION: At which restaurant is your toy distributed?

I'll go first:
The toy me is seated on a couch with a laptop computer. The computer screen is blank. Above my head is a plastic thought balloon saying "DEADLINES!!" in creepy gloomy letters. Around the couch are children in pajamas who are not going to bed. When you pull a little lever, my hand reaches up to my hair and pulls on it in stressed out fashion while the pajamaed children punch each other in the head.
The toy is available only at Paseo, a Caribbean restaurant in Seattle's Fremont neighborhood. Negotiations to distribute it at Dixie's in St Paul fell through.

So once more:
WHAT DOES THE TOY FROM THE MOVIE OF YOUR LIFE LOOK LIKE AND WHAT DOES IT DO?
and
At which restaurant is your toy distributed?"

So, here's mine:
1. Toy should be like the Nancy Pearl doll, only I want removable accessories, so I can go from mild-mannered, distractible college professor to funky way cool woman-about-town. Accessories will tend to fall off or not fit quite right, and hair will never lie the way it's supposed to. Key accessory: venti Starbucks cup with stains that match those on outfits.
2. Starbucks, of course. Because they've gotten enough of my money since adolescence, and I want a little back. And I'm sure this would be a HUGE seller. Very aspirational, no?

Top 10 Dating No-No's: Installment the First

2008-05-18T13:06:00.005-04:00

1. First and foremost: avoid injuring yourself. In particular, avoid injuring yourself while going to the bathroom. We went to an outdoor concert, and the portapotties were situated under some trees, and in an effort to get the branches out of the door, I scraped the top of my hand against the rough edges of the plastic door frame. Clutching a tissue to your bleeding knuckle while also drinking your beer and enjoying the music is not easy.

2. Pay close attention to the text messages. Punctuation (or lack thereof) can be confusing, and you may actually miss the fact that you're being asked to a movie. Really.

I'll keep you posted on the rest. No doubt I will do more foolish things, and you will all have the benefit of my experience.

How Could I Not Know This?

2008-05-18T12:54:00.002-04:00

Syracuse has a Sons of Norway lodge! They have a Syttende Mai festival and everything!

One problem: that May 17 party always arrives at the end of my academic year. Meaning I'm fried and not paying attention to social events. So, I'm putting it on my Goggle calendar. Next year, dammit, I'm gonna be eating lefsa and celebrating my Norskness.

You may laugh, but I'm living here in the land of Italian-Americans. Well, other folks, too, but lots of Italian restaurants and Catholic churches on every corner. So sometimes I need confirmation of my paleness and particular brand of guilt. Cultural solidarity, you know?

On Flirting

2008-05-15T12:05:00.004-04:00

I have a date tonight. But I'm not here to give you details on that--anyone who wants to know will just have to call me. So there.

However, I would like to talk about the joys of flirting via text message. Now, it has its challenges--the delay factor, for one, because you have no way of knowing whether the person at the other end has just curled her lip and said, "What the...?" or is laughing and thinking up some witty riposte. (Okay, there's a word I've never used before--and it may not happen again.)

Because I am, as those who know me will attest, a bit of a chickenshit, flirting via text is ideal. I can take a minute to think of something fabulous to say, and just key it in, thinking, "Oh, I'm not really going to send this." And then I dare myself: "Just hit that 'ok' button...see what happens..." And the other person's not there to see that moment of panic on my face.

Of course, this could all be the result of the necklace I bought myself yesterday and think I'm going to wear forever. It's a little silver charm with a spiral and reads "fearless." It's my new superpower.

Color Me Appalled

2008-05-14T20:56:00.002-04:00

You think I'd be so over this stuff. I mean, it's all around us, right? So, maybe it's just that I have such nostalgia for cookie dough Blizzards (there's no DQs around here). Or maybe you just can't get used to heteronormative indoctrination of small children.

Adorable child actress uses feminine wiles to get ice cream.

Mutual of Omaha presents

2008-05-14T20:43:00.003-04:00

(Okay, some of you are probably too young to get that joke, but I know my sister does!)

Wildlife spotted this evening along Meadowbrook Creek as it meanders near Barry Park--an area picturesquely known as the "Meadowbrook Detention Basin":

two goldfinches--the first I've seen this year (in fact, it took me a couple of minutes to remember what the heck they're called!)
countless redwinged blackbirds hollering at each other ("skrEEEE--stay away from my area!")
one mallard, hanging in the middle of a small pond, either protecting a nearby nesting female or pretending to be protecting a nearby female in order to save face...er...bill...
robins--lots, though not as copious as blackbirds
starlings--ditto
European sparrows, who somehow have not mastered the art of gripping tall grasses like the blackbirds, who seem to be twice their size
a pair of Canada geese
four koi, or else just really big goldfish gone wild (I was going to say they didn't belong, but then, neither do I, or the starlings, or the sparrows, or even the mallards, for that matter)

(And for you Wild Kingdom fans, no, I did not clamber into the middle of the marsh with a net to capture an unsuspecting bird and relocate it. Though there was a sweet little plover there last week, all by itself, and I wonder if maybe it could have used a little guidance.)

Okay, so this is weird

2008-05-12T19:28:00.002-04:00

I have to say, this is the first time I've ever had to deal with this particular problem: I have to eat.

Yes, folks, I've lost a bit too much weight. It's a combination of the antidepressant I take (generic Wellbutrin) and recent anxiety (mega-transition-time!). Now, at other times in my life--most times in my life--this would have been a lovely side effect of a challenging period. But nooooo....I actually have to worry about being too skinny. (I know my middle sister hears this one--it's all fun and games til your favorite jeans slide off your hips!)

So, I headed off to the grocery store to stock up on lots of tasty goodness. Cookies. Chips & salsa & sour cream. Beer (love those little Coronitas--so cute). Ben & Jerry's (I even had a coupon).

Any moment now I'll be filling out my new Levis again. And someday, I will look back fondly on this time, as my geriatrician reminds me that ice cream is not, in fact, one of the major food groups. Tee hee.

Book You Must Read

2008-05-10T17:01:00.003-04:00

I know, I know--everyone's telling you that, right? But this is a small book--only 97 pages altogether, and several of those are photographs. It's Ann Patchett's What now? She developed this from a recent commencement address given at Sarah Lawrence, her alma mater, and it's absolutely remarkable. I read it in one sitting, at a local funky coffee shop, dabbing at my tears with a piece of paper towel.

Two snippets:
"I'd like to tell you to appreciate your youth, to stop and admire your own health and intelligence, but every writer has a cliche quota and I used up mine by saying, When I was sitting where you are now."

"There's a time in our lives when we all crave the answers. It seems terrifying not to know what's coming next. But there is another time, a better time, when we see our lives as a series of choices, and What now represents our excitement and our future, the very vitality of life."

So, I've been asking the right question, but I think I need to adjust the inflection. Not "What now," as in, what thing is broken or what disappointment is next, but "What now" with wonder and awe and a bit of humor.

Not Sure What I Think

2008-05-07T09:46:00.002-04:00

Like that's anything new, really, but I'm particularly unsure about this case. Trying to learn more, I (of course) Googled her, and found this piece from the Dartmouth college paper, as well as a note from the Gawker indicating that she has dropped her threatened lawsuit.

So, what I gather is that Dr. Priya Venkatesan has a PhD in literature and works to combine science and narrative in her work, which sounds fascinating. What I also gather is that she was hired to teach writing at Dartmouth as a postdoctoral fellow--not as a writing specialist. There is no mention anywhere of any particular training in composition pedagogy, or rhetoric, or anything that might suggest she was well prepared for this kind of teaching.

Which reminded me of a recent blog post by this inimitable observer of all things academia, regarding the use of post-docs to sidestep writing programs and/or labor concerns. While Dr. Venkatesan doesn't come off as someone I particularly want to work with, I have to wonder whether Dartmouth did her, the students, or the goals of writing courses any justice by hiring her to teach these courses.

I just don't know.

hill of beans

2008-05-06T13:59:00.002-04:00

It's true--sometimes the problems of one person don't amount to a hill of beans in this world. I am hard-pressed to spend time moping when faced with human tragedy on the scale seen in Myanmar.

So, I sent some money to the IRC. (There are many worthwhile organizations these days, so I encourage you to do what you can.) And I thanked the universe for my many blessings.

Yes, Washingtonians Really ARE That Nice

2008-05-04T11:53:00.001-04:00

If you're tired of hearing about overpaid athletes behaving badly, read this story.

bad combo

2008-05-02T18:40:00.001-04:00

end-of-relationship angst
plus
end-of-semester stress
plus
PMS
equals
step away from the crazy lady!

Great Blue Heron

2008-05-01T08:32:00.003-04:00

Two weeks ago, you stood at the edge of the small pond on the edge of campus, wings half-stretched akimbo in the sun. I almost didn't see you as I drove past, just a gray shape out of the corner of my eye. But something made me turn around and go back, and I parked in the student lot alongside the path that winds past the pond, and sat on the grass, admiring your gawky elegance. A student sat on the other side, crossed legs, upturned hands resting on knees, meditating.

When I saw you again on Tuesday, did you know? Did you know that boy was beneath the water? Were you waiting for the search team to reach that spot? You gave me such joy when I saw you then, again, my heart lifting at the sight of you against the backdrop of daffodils and lawn.

Now, I'm afraid to look, afraid I'll imagine what might have happened on his walk home early Sunday morning, back to the residence hall that he was to move out of in only a few weeks. Afraid to think of the family that still awaits him. Afraid to think of fellow students, in shock, confronting mortality in a way 18-year-old Americans, particularly those at a private college on a hill, seldom have to.

Say It Ain't So!

2008-04-30T09:04:00.002-04:00

This story on Inside Higher Ed ain't gonna win any applause among my colleagues. But I have to say, when I look at someone's ratings and they've gotten 25 low scores over four years, well, something's up!

Happy Last Day of April!

2008-04-30T08:08:00.002-04:00

That loooong drive to and from school has been lovely the past few weeks--everything turning beautiful shades of green, fields freshly plowed, that heron who's been hanging out in the little pond along the back road out of the campus.

And today: snow flurries! I've always loved that phenomenon of rain when the sun's shining--that angled sunlight, the transient gray clouds overhead. Well, today I got that with snow. Lovely, so long as it's cleared up by the time I get to work!

Malapropisms

2008-04-29T15:32:00.002-04:00

So, they're not really malapropisms, but you know when students don't get an idiom quite right? But somehow, it makes sense? I'm not talking about the student who spelled segue "segway," and misunderstood my oral correction, so that it showed up in the next draft as "segueway." No, these are the ones that really kinda work. Maybe these are the idioms of tomorrow.

So, today's: in a description of the big Buffalo snowstorm of October 2006, as branches cascaded down on his mother's flower beds, all "were destroyed in one foul swoop."

No, doesn't that just make sense?

And it's only 11:30!

2008-04-28T23:33:00.002-04:00

Just finished reading the last of my stack of 65 argument essays. And let me just say, my strategy of sprinkling the likely A papers throughout paid off again. Because I was getting pretty cranky for a while there.

Repeat after me: "It is not your job to convert students. They don't have to buy into your worldview, in which thoughtful analysis and rhetorically sensitive prose leads to fame and fortune and personal satisfaction beyond compare. Just give 'em a grade, make a few suggestions for improving the essay should they choose to rewrite, and hand 'em back."

Whew! Okay, off to bed to get a few hours sleep before heading south. At least I already packed my lunch!

P.S.--how many of you buy junk food as a reward when grading?

Breaking Up with Your City

2008-04-27T22:37:00.003-04:00

John Moe published his break-up letter with Seattle today. As a Northwest ex-pat--and someone whose family wonders when I'm gonna move back--it says it all.

Because I Could Use a Little Cuteness

2008-04-26T17:51:00.002-04:00

So, the auteur got a bit carried away with the title cards--this is one of those class "show, don't tell" moments we writing teachers talk about--but still. Utter cuteness.

Meme-o-rama

2008-04-25T15:28:00.002-04:00

By way of academom (who was tagged by her mom)...

Five things in each of the following categories:

10 years ago, I was:

1. 35
2. Taking the GREs so's I could get in the MA in English at WWU
3. Working full-time at the library and getting mighty tired of it
4. Living with SO No. 2 (aka "Ms J")
5. Spokesmodel for my local chapter of Hands Off Washington, an lgbt rights group

Today’s to do list:

1. Grade grade grade (some done, lots more to do)
2. Go to Fleet Feet (highly recommended by academom herself) to get trail-appropriate sneaks (done--will post pix when I can)
3. Call about possible apartment for impending move
4. Email student re outline of final project
5. Make other appointments that have been on my to-do list for WEEKS

Snacks I enjoy:

1. Cheese
2. Cheese & pretzels
3. Cheese & meat
4. Chips & salsa
5. Pickles

If I was a billionaire, I would:

1. Pay off my (actually quite reasonable) debts, as well as my sisters', and my friends'
2. Create a trust fund for my nephews' education (formal and otherwise)
3. Buy one of the Thousand Islands (and create a trust to pay for the outrageous taxes)
4. Create a trust for myself so I could have a bit of extra travel money every year
5. Give the rest away

My bad habits:

1. I judge myself and others much too harshly (that was academom's & I ditto that)
2. I pick & bite my nails
3. I engage in way too much negative self-talk
4. I squirrel time away reading crap on the internet (again, ditto academom)
5. I drive places I could so easily walk or ride my bike to

Pet peeves:

1. Tailgaters (ditto academom)
2. Colleagues who make disparaging remarks about students (whom they often call "kids")
3. The words "always," "never," and "just"
4. Bigotry, particularly from people who ought to (or think that they) know better
5. Uninformed pseudodebate (a la talk radio and cable news)

Places I’ve lived:

1. Shoreline, WA
2. Cottage Grove, OR
3. Bellingham, WA
4. Jersey City, NJ
5. Syracuse/Binghamton, NY

Jobs I’ve had:

1. Marionette troupe apprentice
2. Typesetter & graphic arts go-fer
3. Library clerk
4. Customer service representative
5. Teacher (aka "Doctor of Words")

Isn't This One of the Signs of the Apocalypse?

2008-04-23T20:51:00.002-04:00

The Book Thief

2008-04-23T17:29:00.002-04:00

No, I haven't taken up shoplifting. The Book Thief is an amazing novel by Markus Zusak. I listened to it on CD, and I was laughing and crying in the car. It's been marketed as a young adult novel, but I highly recommend it to grown ups, too.

Death narrates (okay, an actor is reading in the audio version, but the character Death is the narrator, all right?) this story of a young girl sent to live with foster parents in Nazi Germany. Along the way, she steals her first book--The Grave Digger's Handbook--when one of the grave diggers accidentally drops it in the snow near the burial site of the girl's brother, who dies en route to their foster home.

It's a story of growing up, of mass hysteria and willful ignorance, of pain and survival, and young love.

Oh, and it's about books and the power of language and narrative and art and music.

(God, I'm a lousy reviewer. Just read it!)

My New Theme Song

2008-04-22T19:57:00.002-04:00

Okay, so it's not much of a song, but it's a good approach to life, and Ellen sings it to me. So there.

You Go, Carl!

2008-04-22T12:51:00.002-04:00

A Seattle teacher took a brave stand recently against No Child Left Untested. I doubt I would have had his courage. Of course, I don't have the courage to teach middle school, either, so there you go.

This Long and Winding Road...

2008-04-21T21:16:00.003-04:00

...that leads who the hell knows where...

Well, not quite totally unknown. I took a job in what folks around here call The North Country. It's a tenure-track job at a state school that has traditionally offered two-year agricultural and technical programs, but is moving more and more to four-year-degrees, though none yet in the humanities. I'm really impressed by the faculty and administrators I've met, as well as the great students, and I like their attitude toward writing.

And, clearly they liked mine. So there you are.

So, I'll be moving northward this summer, and I'm really looking forward to living within walking distance of campus. The search for an apartment has just started, but signs are good--it's even cheaper to live there than here, so I'll be able to have a good-sized place all to myself.

What, you may ask, does this mean for me and the GF? Well, it offered a time to reassess and ask ourselves what we really wanted. And, what I wanted didn't gibe with what she wanted. So, another twist in the road. I'm working through my seven stages of grief (chocolate is one of those, right?), but when my head is clear I know this really is for the best.

That's when my head is clear.

An Engineer's Guide to Cats

2008-04-17T14:12:00.002-04:00

Thanks to Middle Sister for forwarding this from the Kim Komando site o' the day.

Will This Be On The Test?

2008-04-15T08:28:00.003-04:00

As a teacher of academic writing, I don't get that question. I get the usually unspoken attitude that announces, "I already know how to do this." Or, its corollary, "I don't need to know how to do this." But this song by Tom Chapin definitely hits home, particularly the part about the lack of reasoned argument... (Thanks to DentistFriend for bringing this to my attention!)

Accomplishments, Part II, in which I take a Big Girl Pill

2008-04-13T17:49:00.004-04:00

I think I mentioned a few posts back that I went to two events, all by myself. This is part of me taking risks and being more adventurous. It's all good preparation for when I move to the new job, next fall. (Have I mentioned the new job? I think I started a post, but didn't finish...I'll get on that. Soon.)

So, things what I have done all by myself:
1. Attended a small fundraiser for a New Orleans womens clinic, in a little independent bookstore, because it was a good cause and I was familiar with one of the poets. Stayed long enough to enjoy a delicious decaf latte and listen to two women perform several songs, and then for the poet, who read from work in progress. While this was all enjoyable, the place was packed, I was perched on a stool with no back support, and I didn't know a soul. So, I had a nice time, but I left after an hour and a half.

2. The next night went to a Jamie Anderson concert, part of the local Folkus series. I saw Jamie years and years and years ago (maybe 1992 and 1993?) in the Northwest, and remembered that she's very funny and has a wonderful voice. And since I knew some of the songs pretty well, I'm thinking the ex and I must have owned a CD. My favorite song: "Dark Chocolate," and you can catch a taste of it on her CDBaby page.

3. Last night I went to the final night of the Reel Queer film festival, put on by hardworking lgbt grad students. Two fabulous (and one pretty good) short films, followed by the latest from the director of But I'm A Cheerleader. I soooooo want the soundtrack! This one is titled The Itty Bitty Titty Committee, and is funny and sweet and has some sexy moments. And did I mention I want that soundtrack?

Accomplishments!

2008-04-13T17:40:00.005-04:00

Things I've gotten done today, in no particular order:
1. Posted a list of edited sample sentences that introduce sources and attribute information effectively, for the edification and enjoyment of those students who initially drafted those on samples.
2. Did a load of laundry. Okay, it's still in the dryer, but it made it to the basement!
3. Shopped at Wegmans with the GF. On a Sunday morning. Insanity.
4. Made pancakes for myself and ate them as I read the Sunday paper.
5. Composed various and sundry emails and played a few rounds of Scramble on Facebook.
6. Signed the offer letter for my new job and prepared it for mailing.
7. Did my taxes. Also ready for mailing.

And a promise to myself: I really really really will hire a personal financial advisor next fall to help me sort out all this stuff. Really. Cross my heart.

Tonight I'll be watching The Jane Austen Book Club, so that I can return my last two Netflix DVDs, since I've suspended my account for a few months. (It's not such a great deal if you don't actually get around to watching the DVDs, you know?)

The GF and I watched I Am Legend the other night, and it wasn't as scary as I expected. Now, in part, that's because if you're snuggled up next to someone (plus a tiny fuzzy white dog), you feel pretty safe. But also, because the CG wasn't all that impressive. And, in the end, everyone's all better. Well, except for the dead people. But still.

And we're talking about me, here, folks--the queen of scared to death. When we watched 28 Days Later, on that very same couch, I freaked out while putting laundry in the dryer. I ran back upstairs and made the GF come down with me. So, I am very easily frightened. This time, I walked home (granted, just a block) by myself, and slept alone in my apartment.

Our little girl is growing up.

Blog and Die!

2008-04-10T14:33:00.001-04:00

Okay, maybe not exactly. But thanks to the medievalists for pointing out this NYT article on the dangers of obsessive blogging.

I'm unlikely to do anything obsessively. I don't have the attention span.

What?

Affirmations

2008-04-09T18:45:00.003-04:00

So, I've always been a total cynic about affirmations. I mean, really--cloying sayings that are supposed to improve my self esteem? Really?

So, when my very smart therapist recommended them as a strategy for dealing with job interview anxiety, I thought, okay, I'll give 'em a try. And a few months later, I finally got around to it.

So, in addition to the usual "I am strong," "I am beautiful" sorts of affirmations, I've got some good "I can" and "I will" statements:
I can let go of fear.
I can ask for what I want.
I can love myself for who I am.

I will ask for what I want.
I will take a new risk each day.

I'm also working hard at limiting the whole negative self-talk thing. In addition to the usual "shut the f*** up" response--which is really quite effective--I've started noticing the flip side of my flaws. Because it seems that frequently, the things I don't like about myself are just Side B of the things that I do.

Like the thin skin. Yeah, really thin skin. Easily hurt, quick to cry, slow to recover. But you know, I'm also very sensitive to others' needs, not just my own. And I'm quick to defend them--even folks I may be in competition with.

But that's another story.

So, final affirmation for today:
I can love my Side B's along with the Side A's.

Oh, and last week, I went to two different social events by myself--where I knew no one. I won't say I had the best time ever, but not bad.

Google people are Fuh-Nee

2008-04-01T16:19:00.001-04:00

Many thanks to the folks at Google for the hilarious April Fool's additions to their services.

Though I could really use that wake-up option.

Rope Burn

2008-03-31T17:57:00.002-04:00

"Each relationship and every single encounter can be a vehicle for meaningful spiritual connection, through the transformative magic of Bodhicitta. Buddha taught that this Bodhicitta or spiritual love has four active arms, known as the Four Boundless Heartitudes, and four expressive faces known as the Four Forms of Compassion in action. This is how we love, Buddha-style: impartial to all, free from excessive attachment or false hope and expectation; accepting, tolerant, and forgiving. Buddhist nonattachment doesn't imply complacence or indifference, or not having committed relationships or being passionately engaged with society, but rather has to do with our effort to defy change and resist the fact of impermanence and our mortality. By holding on to that which in any case is forever slipping through our fingers, we just get rope burn.

"Buddhist love is based on recognizing our fundamental interconnectedness and knowing that all beings are like ourselves in wanting and needing happiness, safety, fulfillment, and not wanting suffering and misery. The Dalai Lama says, "If you want to be wisely selfish, care for others." All the happiness and virtue in this world comes from selflessness and generosity, all the sorrow from egotism, selfishness, and greed."

Lama Surya Das, "A Buddhist Valentine"

Deep Roots

2008-03-26T22:07:00.001-04:00

Message in a Bottle, Message in a Bottle

2008-03-23T23:23:00.002-04:00

I love the way what wants to be a feel-good story just keeps undercutting itself.

But it's from my hometown, so that's cool.

Happy Birthday!

2008-03-20T20:04:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow is the birthday of one of my oldest and dearest friends. I'd love to send her oodles of stuff, but of course, she doesn't need that. Instead, I'll wait until May, when we can celebrate together in Seattle over cosmos & seafood.

In the meantime, let's just recall her 14th birthday party--a slumber party at her house, with two other friends, at which we stayed up very very late eating cheese puffs and malted milk ball eggs (the fun of a near-Easter birthday) and recording an improvised satire of the Miss America pageant on her tape recorder.

Yes, geeks with orange and chocolate-covered tongues. Way cool.

Steel Channels Plato

2008-03-18T16:40:00.004-04:00

For everyone who has ever negotiated the Kafkaesque quagmire that is grad school. Please to enjoy.

One small step for civil liberties...

2008-03-13T17:40:00.003-04:00

Random schmandom. Supervise, pay attention, and document your concerns.

Um, which is to say, we should pay and train our school teacher/coaches appropriately so that they can do that!

Gov, we yardly knew ye

2008-03-13T12:02:00.002-04:00

Yes, it's political humiliation time! Granted, that 70 percent of voters who swept Spitzer into office in 2006 had begun to see the tarnish on his armour...but still. Gack.

Mostly we're all agog that one can a) have enough money to spend $80,000 on prostitutes, and b) one can actually spend $80,000 on prostitutes without someone--anyone--hitting you over the head and saying, "Knock it off!" I mean, really. Although, at $5500 an hour, that's only 14.5 hours of sex.

Kind of like me and the Starbucks. It adds up fast.

Things I'm Wondering About

2008-03-09T20:13:00.003-04:00

1. If I'm forced to watch "male enhancement" commercials on Logo, at least let them be filled with hot gay men. I don't know why, but somehow that would make it more tolerable.
2. Did anyone else read Ursula K. LeGuin's piece in last month's Harper's about the so-called decline of literacy? I was enjoying it very much, right until the last bit...
3. How did Terry Pratchett get to be so freakin' funny? I just finished The Light Fantastik, and in scene of mob destruction near the end of the novel, someone looks over at folks stealing stuff from some music stores and observes, "Oh, those are luters."

Fuh-nee.

Who knew?

2008-03-07T14:27:00.002-05:00

Tom Daschle is kind of a babe. I can't for the life of me remember much about his politics, but he's kinda cute.

What if it's a humor bump?

2008-03-06T10:35:00.002-05:00

So, common wisdom the last few days seems to be that Hillary's primary wins can be attributed to negative campaigning. Which may well be true.

However, what about the self-deprecating humor she displayed so beautifully on Saturday Night Live and on The Daily Show? Seems to me those appearances worked to humanize her a wee bit.

I'm not in anyone's camp--well, I'm somewhere in the forest between H's and O's camps--but humor is very effective on me. I'm just sayin'.